Monday, September 27, 2010

there will be treats


I went to Redbox to get a movie for date night, in fact I got the movie Date Night for date night and I decided to let the dogs ride up to the corner with me. Its in front of 7-11 and I parked directly in front of the the box and instructed Sadie and Max on protocol "wait right here and Mum will be right back" They seem satisfied with that statement, trips to 7-11 are nothing new but typically they're with Dad.

As I made my selection I saw one of the homeless beggars who frequents the corner on the main road out of our intersection round the side of the building and head straight for me. I knew what was coming. The request for spare change so he could get a something to eat (beer) and a cold drink (beer). I have been warned by several of the cops I know in our neighborhood to use caution because most of them are meth addicts who look for "opportunity" to steal.

I heard Max let out a growl and I thought (good boy) but as I looked up from the corner of my eye I noticed the homeless man had stopped in his tracks. I looked down by my side and there was Sadie standing guard beside me flashing her great big teeth and looking like a tough dog. This is so not Sadie. Sadie is the one who does the warning bark and runs away, Max is the one who stands between me and trouble. She had jumped from the Jeep window to protect her MUM! Just about then she let out her "big dog" bark to let him know she meant business and he decided to take a detour around us through the parking lot.

Was I in danger. Not in front of a well lit 7-11. But my doggies know who buys the biscuits! Yes there were treats as soon as we got home.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Trick to Tabata Workouts [Bring a Barf Bag]

This is one way to ensure you are running at maximal ability. Not that I recommend it.

20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest. That's one Tabata interval or "Tabata" if you're in the gym and want to sound like all the cool kids. Sounds simple, right? This little gem, a staple of most of the hardest workouts around, revolutionized - some say even began - the fitness frenzy surrounding high intensity interval training or "HIIT." (To prove you're both hip and culturally relevant, feel free to tell your workout partner to "HIIT me baby, one more time!" Bonus points if you do the hair-flippy move. Extra bonus points if your partner replies, "Ok, Bit-Bit!"(Double parenthetical: Have you seen that video lately? She was such an earnest little singer! And, also, there's no way she hasn't had a boob job.))

Why Tabatas?
So how could something so simple be so revolutionary? According to the research, first started by Tabata himself on elite Japanese athletes, doing as little as four minutes (or 8 Tabatas) can increase your aerobic capacity, anaerobic capacity, VO2 max, resting metabolic rate, burn more fat (and make you look 200% crazier) not only as good as, but better than, a traditional 60 minute aerobic workout. That's right - 4 minutes of Tabatas can get you better fitness gains than a whole hour of running on the treadmill.

How To Do Tabatas
So why isn't everyone doing them? Well I said it was simple but I never said it was easy. In fact, if it is easy then you're doing it wrong. Those 20 seconds of rest are balls-to-the-wall* all out 100% effort. You should see stars. Your heart should be trying to claw a hole in your chest cavity to get out. You should be able to play Rorshach in the ginormous puddle of sweat surrounding your machine. You might even see a light and a long tunnel (don't worry, you're not dying it's just the flashlight thingy the medics are shining in your eyes to check for a concussion after you passed out and hit your head on the treadmill handlebars.) You know those RPE (rate of perceived exertion) charts on the wall of every gym? During Tabatas, you should be a 10+. Barftastic!

Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be a runner to do Tabatas. Any aerobic activity - biking, swimming, jump roping, boxing, squatting, Matrix-style building jumping - can be adapted to a Tabata interval. Although for beginners, running is probably the simplest way to start. For myself, the best (read: hardest) Tabatas I've ever done were punching Sensei Don during Karate class. Yeah, yeah, he was holding pads up. (I split my knuckles wide open on 'em and he still made me finish! I have never been so proud of workout wounds.) Incidentally, the very first Great Fitness Experiment I ever ran - over 3 years ago - was Tabata intervals for twenty horrible minutes on the stationary bike. To this day, the Gym Buddies and I do them about once a week.

To do a running Tabata, all you need is a track or a treadmill. If you are on the track, simply run at full speed for 20 seconds, stop and suck wind like you're the only windmill keeping South Dakota on the grid for 10 insanely short seconds, and then repeat 7 more times. If you are on the tready, power that baby up until it sounds like a jet ready for takeoff. The Gym Buddies and I do max speed but just do whatever you think is the fastest you can run. It will look scary and too fast but you'll be fine once you jump on, I promise. (Or you'll fall off. I've done that too. You'll still be fine, albeit a tad rug-burned.) Jump on and run for 20 seconds. Straddle the belt and hoover in some air for 10 seconds. Repeat 7 times.

The Trick
The trick to a good Tabata workout is this: a good timer. You cannot estimate when 20 seconds and 10 seconds have passed. I promise you. No matter how good you think you are 1-mississippi-ing, your brain will be so fuzzy that you will need help. If you are running on a treadmill you can use the clock on the display - just make sure you start on a 0 or you'll have to do math and sprint at the same time which adds a level of difficulty not even Einstein would want.

If you're not on a treadmill though, timing is hard. There is an iPhone app for it (if there's a "Pocket Girlfriend" app, of course there's a Tabata timer!) but who wants to hold their phone in their sweaty hand while they're sprinting so hard that blackness is overtaking their vision thereby making it highly likely they will crash into something (a real girlfriend, maybe?)? You can download a "Tabata song" onto your iPod that just beeps repetitively for half an hour but then you can't listen to your music while you do it. You can also program your watch to beep in intervals but if you can figure out how to do that then you're smarter than me and my computer science degree put together. (Ok, not that that's hard - I'm a ridiculously bad programmer.)

The easiest way I've found is to just get a simple gym timer. Gymboss sent me one of theirs to try out for free and I really liked it. Its only purpose in life is to be an interval timer. No worries about deleting your podcast or resetting your lap count or accidentally changing your ring tone to *beep* 20 seconds *beep* 10 seconds. You can set it to any interval you'd like and it also has a vibrate option if you prefer to be discreet with your Tabata-lovin'.

Any of you love (to hate) Tabatas like I do? How do you time yours? Are you the kind of person who prefers short super-intense workouts or would you rather run at a steady pace for 60 minutes than endure a HIIT? Anyone else ever fallen off the treadmill??

*All these years I've been saying this, I have thought it had something to do with running balls - as in basketballs, kickballs, whatever-balls - to the wall in some kind of mad speed drill. But having just typed that out I think it may perhaps have a cruder meaning? Although I can't imagine what those balls would have to do with walls and running. Please don't disillusion me. Update: Chelsey educated me in the comments, "I believe that "balls to the wall" is actually an aviation metaphor. That stick that they push forward to make the plane go faster has a ball on top of it and when it's pushed "to the wall" you are going all out." So both my innocent and dirty thoughts were wrong! Buwhahahah!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Have You Ever Hid a Healthy Habit?

Best hiding place ever! My kids would never find me in here!!

My house is a veritable treasure trove of hidden goodies. There are birthday presents stashed at the top of my closet, lingerie under the bed, dark chocolate peanut butter cups in the freezer (bonus: takes me longer to eat them that way. un-bonus: I have to pass by the cookie dough on the way to them.) and our emergency flashlight that my husband and I have hid and re-hid so many times that we don't even know where it is anymore. Obviously, my squirrel tendencies are because I live with 4 little people who have zero concept of respecting other people's belongings. Seriously, they think my panty liners are huge awesome stickers and no matter how many times I hide those suckers I still find them stuck all over the house.

But when it comes to food, I can't really blame the kiddos. In the past I've had some admittedly bizarre behaviors around food (behaviors that I have made a LOT of progress in fixing as of late - wahoo!). I hated eating in front of people. And yet I couldn't eat alone either. I destroyed food. I lied about it. I even hated it. And I hid it. While my food-hiding tendencies run more towards eating abstemiously in public and then shoveling in a half gallon of ice cream at home alone, a comment left on my post "The Slow Metabolism: Fact or Myth?" made me see food-hiding in a totally new perspective. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own neuroses that I forget other people have their own closeted crazies.

Jessica wrote, "I'm not sure I buy the whole 'some people can eat whatever they want and never gain weight' thing. There have been points in my life when I felt like I could eat whatever I wanted, and points where I've felt so obsessed with food that I was never going to win. Maybe there are a couple of people in the world who really can eat thousands and thousands of calories a day, but I think they're extremely rare. I think if you look more closely at those people who seem to be eating junk all the time, you'll find that the numbers add up-- they are not actually eating as many calories in a day as you think they are. If you're thin and don't have much stress around food, it's easier to only eat when you're hungry, and that cuts out a lot of calories. Also, people love to make it look effortless, because it makes them feel special and important, which means they're eating the candy in front of you and hiding the turkey on whole wheat. " [emphasis mine.]

I have this problem: I always think that people have always been the way that I know them now. For instance, when I meet someone new who is very thin it never occurs to me that they might have been heavy in the past or are recovering from a long illness or work very very hard for that tiny body. I just assume that they have always been thin and that it is easy for them. Weird, right? So when I see some skinny girl chowing down on the pie and ice cream, I think "Huh, she's really lucky. She must be one of those who can eat whatever she wants." And then I try not to roll up into a ball of shame and jealousy.

But Jessica makes an excellent point. Of course people are not always as they appear to be. This was brought home to me the other day when I walked into a lady's room to change Jelly Bean's diaper. A young, beautiful mother sat nursing her baby (it was one of those fancy lady's rooms with rocking chairs and plush couches and artwork! Oh yes men, those bathrooms really exist!) and we chatted a bit about our kids who were almost the same age. As I threw away the diaper - in a pail much nicer than the one I have at home, sigh - she suddenly stood up and the distressed look on her face surprised me. "I know this is really weird but I just have to ask you this before you leave?" I blinked. If she was going to try to sell me Amway or Quixstar or whatever it is now, I was ready to bolt. "How did you do it? You're so thin. I mean, you look like you've never even had kids." I turned 7 shades of red and stammered something about my last 10 pounds still hanging around. "No," she said more insistently, "I really really want to know. Did you do a diet? A workout? Pills??" My eyes widened as I contemplated explaining to her my brand of crazy. "I'm desperate," she added as if the tears filling her eyes didn't explain that well enough.

"Well yeah, I do eat healthy most of the time. And I workout." I thought about just leaving it at that - it is true, after all - but then I realized I'd be leaving her with the impression that I've always been this way and that it is easy for me, both of which are so laughably untrue that I plopped my butt down on the couch next to her, gave her a hug and proceeded to tell her my whole sorry story. Four different kinds of eating disorders, my Very Bad Boyfriend, my gymnastics team, my 6th grade health teacher, my bulimic grandmother - the whole shebang. We spoke for about 45 minutes during which I learned that she had been hospitalized with an eating disorder before she'd had her daughter and was now really struggling with the way motherhood had changed her body. By the time we parted I think she felt a lot better and I was immensely glad I had resisted the urge to let her believe I was what she assumed me to be. Sure I obliterated my "perfect" image but that conversation was so healing for both of us that I don't regret my honesty one little bit.

So whether it's hiding the fact that you eat healthy food 90% of the time so you can eat hamburgers and fries when you're in front of people, like Jessica pointed out, or whether it's hiding how much you workout, like I was tempted to do - I want to know, have you ever hid a healthy habit? What made you do it - were you afraid of being called a health nut? Afraid of being labeled as eating disordered (whether you were or not)? Were you just trying to avoid a slew of unwanted advice (You're a vegetarian?! You're going to die from a protein deficiency!!)? Are you ever tempted to just let others think you have it all together?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"Truthiness" in Advertising


You already know that many starlets grace (is grace really the word I'm looking for here?) magazine covers half undressed but did you hear about Carey Mulligan wearing a towel around her bottom on the cover of Vogue this month? No it's not the latest terry-cloth fashion hot off the runway - as if! - poor Carey was actually the victim of an ill-fitting haute couture dress. As she explains: "The cover dress was very pretty but wouldn't go over my arse. Sample size is very, very tiny. I'm actually wearing a towel around my waist and the bottom is clipped up because I couldn't fit."

While Carey seems to be taking it all remarkably well - further on in the interview she talks about feeling free from the thin pressure that crushes many other actresses her age - but that had to have been at least a little unnerving. You're on the cover of Vogue and you have a priceless dress on your top and a towel on your bottom. What do you say when a Vogue stylist hands you a dress and you can't get it over your hips? And then how do you work a towel into that conversation?? But what really irritates me is that they made her do the cover shoot anyhow, even in such a state. Instead of finding a dress to flatter the already gorgeous actress, they forced the actress into an unflattering dress. All to sell more "aspirational fashion" to women who probably can't fit in it either.

The twisted marketing reminded me of this adventure with Gym Buddy Allison:

Random Suburban Mall, Old Navy, 10:05 a.m.

me: What is THAT?!?

Old Navy now specializes in rib removals. For $10. Suh-weet.

me: Did they lose all the non-anorexic mannequins?

Allison: How do I look?

me: Hi, Cher.

The beauty of a 16-inch waist is you can totally heimlich yourself.

And it gets better. Not only was the shirt pinned within an inch of its sweat-shop life in the back:
But it was a size small to begin with:
We left the store empty handed.

Store mannequins are basically the photoshop of the physical world - you've seen the ones standing (shirtless) sentry at Abercrombie and Fitch, right? - so I don't really expect much. After all, they don't even have heads! Or hands! Or even a spot to house pretend internal organs! And then there's Lane Bryant using a size 8 mannequin to model size 16 + clothing (with more outrageous pinning, I'm sure). But in a world where tiny Carey Mulligan can't fit in the couture dress they forced her to wear on the cover of the magazine anyhow, do we really need mannequins adding to the lies and deception?

What do you think of Carey's confession? Brave or embarrassing? How do you feel about mannequins so small they can't even model the smallest size of clothing in the store? Anyone else feel compelled to manhandle the mannequins?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Normal Push-Ups Getting Boring? Try These Today!

If there's one move that you will find in every workout from Jillian Michael's to CrossFit to Bootcamp to Prison, it's the lowly push-up. (Pushup? Push up? Whatever.) For good reason too, they work your shoulders, back, chest and even your core. But let's be honest, push-ups have their drawbacks. They can be hard on your wrists. They can give you neck or back pain. They can be too difficult. Or they can be too easy, depending on your skill level. But for me the real downside is how boring regular push-ups get. So today the Gym Buddies and I take you into our gym to show you 33 variations on the push-up (and one mammoth fail!). Try one today!

To get a taste of what the Gym Buddies have to put up with from me on a daily basis, here is me demo'ing a gorilla push-up (I voted for calling it a "guerilla" push-up but apparently I'm not tough enough to pull that off). I went into it absolutely sure I couldn't do one and then surprised myself so much by doing one (for reals!!!) that I screamed a very unladylike scream and then hit the floor. Enjoy (12 seconds):



And because everyone's favorite part are the Gym Bloopers, I've left all our mistakes in the full video! (Look for cursing, falling, geometry confusion and one very awesome Mary Katherine lunge - these girls crack me up every single day.) But here is, hands down, my favorite mistake, wherein I crush poor Allison like a cockroach (7 seconds):



Without further adieu, enjoy our Ode to Weird Push-Ups! (It's 4 minutes but totally worth it! At least watch our attempt at sketch comedy in the intro!):



If you get this through e-mail or a feed reader, please click through to the site to see the videos. Thanks!

What is your favorite push-up? Think of any we missed? What exercise do you find realllllyyyy boring??

It's Wedding Time...

Off to Lake Como, Italy for my brother's wedding... will post some photo's and stories when I get back!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sideswiped By Depression


Chalk it up to a loaded genetic gun, the shortening days, Jelly Bean's self-weaning (she was my oxytocin dealer, yo) or an illness in the family - How about d) all of the above? - but I've dove headlong back into the dumpster of depression. (I have not, however, lost my powers of alliteration. It's like the super power Wonder Woman would have if she wore glasses and had a slight overbite.)

Irritability. Over-sensitivity. Moodiness. Forgetfulness. Sleepiness. Despair-iness. My thoughts swirling like snowflakes through my brain, never settling, never coalescing except to form brief nightmarish pictures for me to obsess over. The bad thing about having prior depressive episodes is that I'm prone to having more of them but the good thing is that I'm really great at recognizing the signs of them. While all of the previous effects are very irritating - especially walking around feeling like my skin's on wrong ways out - the one that has really hamstrung me this time, as in times past, is the anxiety.

And the worst part is this time I didn't see it coming.

After each of my children have been born, I've had a bout with the post-partum "baby blues." They are pretty textbook in their arrival, albeit a little worse than their name belies. They've gotten more severe after each kid. After my third son was born, I was so consumed by obsessive worries over his and his brothers' safety that all I could do was pace back and forth carrying the baby while the other two trailed me like ducklings with PTSD.

But when Jelly Bean was born, we were prepared! My husband made sure that we had plans to go somewhere or that he was home every evening. When he couldn't be with me, he enlisted one of my friends to - and I am not making this up - babysit me until he came home. As long as I was out being busy or with someone older than 10, I could keep the crazy thoughts at bay but leave me alone and... Y'all, I have sundowners. My anxiety, for whatever bizarre reason, peaks at sundown every day and becomes almost unbearable. I know. If I'm this bad at 32, by the time I land in the old folk's home, I'm going to be running naked down the street screaming every evening.

I expected the depression and anxiety after my children were born. I did not expect it to hit again after Jelly Bean weaned. I've never had post-weaning depression before, nor even heard of it! So, other than fist-shaking (see? I am 80!) what can I do? I can feel myself slipping into full-on crazy so I've alerted the appropriate people: my doctor, my husband, my long-suffering sister, my mother, the gym buddies, all 300+ of my friends on Facebook. Oh and now all the thousands of you who read my blog. (I know, I know, if I could just open up, talk to people, stop keeping everything inside already...)

All joking aside, I hate feeling like this. I hate being powerless in the tidal wave of these emotions. I hate sitting for hours in the corner of my kitchen, literally vibrating with anxiety as I will myself to not obsess over not obsessing (how's that for some tautological naval gazing!). I hate snapping at my children every time they make a loud noise (which would be 23 hours of the day). I hate feeling guilty for all my self pity in this world where so many have it much, much worse. I hate feeling like the angsty teen I once was and am so glad to have left behind. I hate knowing what I need to do to help mitigate this - prayer, meditation, walking outdoors, basking in front of my Happy S.A.D. light - and not having enough energy to do it. I hate sitting at the computer to write and having nothing come out. I hate this hate this hate this.

I am smarter than I used to be. I've learned: this is just a waiting game. Give it time. Let the hormones settle out. This will pass. It always does.

Do you ever struggle with depression? What do you do to help yourself? Anyone else's depression manifest in anxiety? Anyone got a good joke for me??

PS> I am not opposed to medication. I've certainly done my time with the happy pills. But I am reticent to go on SSRI's again because I'm very sensitive to medication and I find the side effects to be detrimental to my health and happiness. However, if you have a good meds story I'm willing to hear you out.

Curvy Gal as Nun

Wow! I had no idea I'd still have anyone keeping an eye on my blog. So I'll update you on what is going on. Bit rusty on the writing, haven't done any for a year. But that's not the only thing I've been missing. Would you believe I've had NO SEX for an entire year. And I'm going crazy. Bugnuts, totally loopy. And I've no idea what to do about my situation.My life changed this year, and for a

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Hydrating During Workouts [I Don't, Do You?]

So many questions: If sitting in the front seat and getting fresh air is supposed to prevent motion sickness, wouldn't a motorcycle be the ultimate puke preventer? And why not take your helmet off to spew? Who bets the dog didn't mind sloppy seconds? Lastly, don't you wish you'd waited until you'd finished breakfast to read this? You're welcome.

Charlotte confession #485: I don't like drinking when I workout. I don't know if it's the feeling of the water sloshing around in my tummy that I don't like or just having to stop my awesome super-intense workout to swish something lukewarm that may or may not have other people's spit in it (occupational hazard of motherhood) around my mouth but the end result is that I rarely drink during exercise. The only time I make a conscious effort to force the liquids is if I'm going for an hour or more but even then I often forget. Not only does this make my pee turn uncomfortable colors (rust? puce? burnt sienna??) but according to everyone who knows anything, dehydration can do everything from decrease athletic performance to increase your weight. Clearly (har, har) I need to remedy this.

My solution? This:


Every morning, the first thing I do when I wake up is to fill a quart-sized Mason jar with water, a couple of random herbal-tea bags and heat it up. I take sips off of it all morning until, by the time I leave for the gym, it's empty. Take that, puce pee! But all that flavored water gets a little boring day after day and, being as I'm not a fan of artificial sweeteners nor do I want to start off my day with a bucket-o-sugar, I've been stumped as how to mix up my morning mocktail.

Charlotte confession #485b: I licked lemons as a child. And I liked it. True, it's not as bad as paint chips but my dentist still shudders at the sorry state of my enamel. I just love sour, tangy flavors! But I also am too lazy and negligent in the produce department to keep lemons, limes or oranges on hand without them molding. Enter True Lemon (and True Lime and True Orange):


These little packets - one packet = one citrus wedge - are just crystallized fruit, nothing else. So this morning I added a packet of lime to my mint herbal tea and got a Mormon Mojito! Delish! From there I got creative with my little packets. I sprinkled lemon crystals on my fish, added orange crystals to my whole wheat banana muffins, and brought out the lime ones for - are you ready for this? - sticking on Jelly Bean's tongue! It is one of the unadvertised perks of parenting that you get to introduce these brand-new humans to their first tastes of, well, everything and then watch the hilarious faces they make. Oh sure, some people start their kids off on peaches or rice cereal or whatever. Wusses. Our kids get pickle juice, salsa (mild - we're not sadists), creamed spinach, curried hummus and, yes, lemons. Best. Friday. Night. Ever.

Charlotte confession #485c: I am a sucker for frozen lemonade. While I normally try to avoid artificial sweeteners, everyone's got to have a vice and mine's drink mix. Every night during the warm months, I fill my Mason jar with water, ice and a packet of 5-calorie drink mix that have been regurgitated by my Vita-Mix (a.k.a. the blender your blender wishes it smells like). Hawaiian Punch, Grape-Ade, Cherry Blast and other totally grown-up flavors often stain my lips but my all-time favorite is lemonade. The problem with drink-mix lemonade (I'm looking at you, Crystal Light) is that it tastes nothing like real lemonade. And I'm far too lazy to make lemonade from scratch. (Did you know it requires cooking?! Found that out the hard way when the kids asked why there was sand in their sour water.) But True Lemon's lemonade mix is divine. It tastes like actual lemons plus it has Stevia in it which, to my research-addled brain, is the least offensive of the calorie-free sweeteners.

My only complaint about the product is that there's a ton of excess packaging. The box is maybe 1/4 full? Just seems like a waste of cardboard but then I'm not a marketing person so what do I know? Also, why no true grapefruit?? Can I suggest that for the next flavor?

Want to try some yourself? Every single one of you can get a box for free! (I was going to write I feel almost Oprah-esque but then she had to go and give away trips to Australia to everyone and nobody is ever going to beat that. Ever.) All you have to do to claim your free box is UPDATE: go to their site and fill out this short form and they'll send you a coupon for a free box of any True Citrus Product! FREE. Don't forget to follow them on Twitter and/or like them on Facebook for more opportunities. Also, leave a comment here and three of you (via the random number generator) will win the whole True Citrus product line!*

So tell me, do you hydrate during your workout? What is your preferred beverage? How do you feel about artificial sweeteners? Anyone want to tell me what color they'd describe their pee as?

*Thank you all so much for your helpful comments and opinions on my giveaway poll. Thanks to your responses I've decided to keep doing the giveaways (obviously) but to just stick to items that I really like and can get behind.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Is anyone out there?

Hullo...um, hi, it's me. Curvy Gal. Have been away for almost a year. Is anyone out there...testing, testing, one..two..three.

Buried



I just watched the trailer for Ryan Reynold's new film "Buried." As a guy who suffers from slight claustrophobia, this looks pretty intense. Turns out the entire 90 minutes of the film shows Reynold's inside, what I presume is a coffin of sorts, armed with only a lighter and a mobile phone.
I guess it will have a similar feel to Colin Farrell's farely under-rated Phonebooth, but I'm sure Reynold's will make this film as watchable as it can be. I'm looking forward to it nonetheless.
PS, it also has an exceptional promo poster (see below.)

Anybody seen it yet??

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Are Carbohydrates The #1 Health Menace? [Good Calories Bad Calories]


Sparkly vampires that don't die in sunlight and fall in love with inarticulate teenage girls, zombies eating brains with grapefruit spoons and their pinkies out (or off?) with Elizabeth Bennett, hapless-yet-cunning teens battling to the death in a reality show that makes Jersey Shore look like The Christian Ladies Aid Society - these are the types of books that keep most people up at night. Me? I've been up for a week now reading the gripping tales of The Fat-Cholesterol Hypothesis and The Carbohydrate Hypothesis spun by Gary Taubes in his game-changing tome Good Calories Bad Calories. Kinda like the Bible and Moby Dick, lots of people will talk about this book but very few of them have actually read it.

Not that I blame them. It's 576 densely worded pages of research paper hell. And I used to be a Graduate Assistant that was paid to write research papers so I know that of which I speak. I'm going to be honest: I read most of it. Skimmed the rest. Fell asleep and drooled all over the "Conservation of Energy" chapter. Was just like college but without all the PowerPoint atrocities.

Good thing for all of us, Taubes includes a four word summary - a dietary rebus, if you will - on the front cover. Take this handy quiz:

Like the old woman/young woman illusion, what you see is all about your perspective. In this picture, is the piece of bread the "good calories" and the butter the "bad calories" or vice versa? For years, as any of you who lived through the nineties (check yes if you ever included "grrrl" in a description of yourself!) can attest, fat - especially saturated animal fats like butter - was the devil in the Devil's food cake. Even today, the American Heart Association recommends no more than 7% of your daily calories come from saturated fats and no more than 25-35 % from any fat. Most of us are well versed in the "good fats" and "bad fats" doctrine. It is, as Taubes takes the first 4 chapters to point out, the conventional wisdom. (I can't complain too much though because it was during this introduction that I got to meet a delightful 18th century Brit named Banting who lost so much weight on a low-carb diet that he went on a pamphlet-strewn publicity tour that puts Atkins to shame. Banting is like Jared the Subway Guy dressed like Marie Osmond on Nutrisystem and with an evangelical spirit that's half Kirstie Allie and half Richard Simmons. I love him.)

According to Taubes, everything you "know" about diet and nutrition is wrong. He backs up this assertion with very (very very) detailed analyses of all the research ever done on the subject, branching into a conspiracy theory about scientists suppressing evidence and changing study results that I would have found laughably ludicrous had I not worked in academic research for so many years and found out first hand what sharks professors on tenure track can be. But I digress. Here's a summary - you're welcome - of the myths busted by Taubes:

1. Eating fat makes you fat.
2. High cholesterol is bad and the best predictor of heart disease.
3. Cholesterol should be lowered at all costs.
4. The best way to lower triglycerides and cholesterol is through cutting out dietary fats, especially saturated animal fats.
5. That Western illness like cancer, diabetes, dementia and heart disease are inevitable if you live long enough.

Basically, Taubes postulates that the surest and best way to help people not only lose weight but also live the longest, healthiest lives possible is to eat lots of fat (all kinds) and protein but cut out carbohydrates. He especially blames sugar for societal ills - no shocker there - but also includes "good" carbohydrates like fruit and whole grains. Not only do carbohydrates not provide good nutrition in the form of energy, says he, but also have the deleterious effects of leaching vitamins and weakening the body in other ways. For those of you who are familiar with Atkins or with the Paleo/Primal diets, Taubes' book is scripture. For the rest of us, these assertions fly in the face of everything we have been taught about good nutrition.

Honesty, Part Two: He makes a very compelling case. Taubes is a highly acclaimed science writer and this background is evident in his meticulous review of every study out there. He not only tackles famous studies, like the Nurses' Health Study, The Seven Countries Study and Ancel Keys' starvation studies, but he includes every minor paper, even previously unpublished ones. About halfway through the book I wanted to throw my hands up and just accept whatever he said as true because he was clearly willing to do a lot more studying than I am on the subject.

And the science is catching up to him on some points. Recent papers have come out breaking the supposed link between dietary cholesterol and heart disease (yay, we can eat eggs AND their yolks again!). Saturated fats are getting lots more good press - indeed I have had a very positive experience adding more fats of all kinds to my diet. The problem for me is when he starts dissing my beloved whole grains and fruit. No matter his comprehensive body of research stating otherwise, I do better and feel better when I eat a diet that includes those two things. That's why I flunked out of the Primal Blueprint. Twice. (Of course, new science is also contradicting him.)

It is at this point in the story my brain kicks into full-on Crazy. Maybe I'm wrong! Maybe I'm just in denial. Was my mid-afternoon crash the result of my Tabata workout or the whole grain bread I wrapped around my tuna? Maybe I SHOULD try low-carb again! If I don't, I could die a horrible death of diabetes, heart disease or cancer! Or all three at the same time!

The only thing that stopped me from dumping my oatmeal down the disposal that very second was remembering how well my current Intuitive Eating Experiment is going. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm 2 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and 5 from my "happy" weight (not to be confused with my ideal weight, also known as the weight I should never weigh again because even though I thought it was ideal it was really too low and I looked sick and didn't menstruate and was kind of a witch so yeah.) In a fit of reason - I'm not possessed of those nearly as often as I ought to be - I e-mailed my dear friend Dr. Jon who, also being British and therefore super cool, gave me a different perspective on Taubes, writing,

"Based on all my years of experience, I'm a great believer in moderation when it comes to diet . People lose sight of certain primary physiological facts and become obsessed with Super Foods, antioxidants, detox diets and supplements . To take some examples, a low fat diet isn't healthy because the body needs both saturated and unsaturated fats to maintain its health, LDL cholesterol is vital to well being, and reduced salt intake can literally kill anybody who works out heavily . That's the major difficulty with laying down rigid guidelines - they don't work for everybody and can actually do major harm .

A while back we talked about the Okinawan diet and I told you that the preliminary results indicate that that population's longevity and general good health seems to be both genetic and influenced by a more restricted diet and reduced intake . It is a relatively low-fat diet too, but too much must not be read into that . The Chinese diet is less restricted and pretty high in fats of all descriptions, and the typical French diet is enough to make a dietitian's eyes water . Yet all three countries have a far lower incidence of heart disease than the USA, Canada and the UK - just a thought, but maybe speaking English is the causative factor ???? :)

What you are doing these days, returning to intuitive eating and trusting your body to tell you what it needs, is the sanest and healthiest way to live . Logically, the human body has developed over the last couple of hundred thousand years and evolved the ability to signal its requirements . The plethora of mad ideas out there is truly mind-boggling . We have one particular "guru" over here who you should really have a look at . Her name is Gillian McKeith, aka the Poo Lady (if you have a look, you'll understand why - she's obsessed with it) . Amongst her insane ideas is that chlorophyll "helps to oxygenate the blood" by swallowing it !!! If you remember your highschool biology, chlorophyll is what makes plants green and uses light to photosynthesise carbon dioxide into carbon for the plant to grow, releasing the oxygen into the atmosphere as a byproduct . The only way I could imagine obtaining oxygen from chlorophyll in the gut would be by sticking a searchlight up the unfortunate soul's butt - and then what ??? The gut does NOT have gills !"
So, the take-away message from all this, is that diet books give me way more nightmares than vampires, zombies and teen-death-match-reality-shows combined. (You know it's only a matter of time before someone writes that book!) Actually, what I learned is that I still want to turn to other people - experts, by golly! - to tell me what to do with my body rather than just listening to what it says. There's a fine line here between learning enough to interpret your body's signals and going so far as to substitute everyone else's judgment for your own. Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not calling Taubes a quack and there was much of value in the book, especially on fats and their chemical mechanisms in the body, (and his chapter on paradoxes in the literature will blow your mind) but his recommendations on whole carbs and fruits just doesn't sit well with me. Lots of people live long, healthy lives on a variety of diets. You have the Okinawans with their super-low-fat diet. Then you have the Masai whose traditional diet of meat, whole milk and blood (yes, really) is about 70% fat. And these are two of the longest-lived peoples on the planet! But you know what I bet they have in common? They don't spend a lot of time reading diet books.

What are your thoughts on carbohydrates - all good, only the whole kind, or as little as possible and no grains? How much fat do you normally eat? Any of you read Good Calories Bad Calories? Do you always look for experts or research to tell you what to do, like I do??

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

High Intensity Bootcamp Report! [War Wounds]

When our trainer said he was going to use the TRX to whip us into shape, I didn't think he meant literally:

What I love about this picture:
1. ATTACK OF THE HUGE HAND! Run! Hide the children!

2. The fact that I am concentrating so hard - as evidenced by my durn-all-these-new-fangled-contraptions-and-their-tiny-buttons facial expression - and yet I still forgot to move the camera strap. Or suck in my stomach. You'd think I'd never used a digital camera before.

3. My awesome shower curtain. It's cleanliness and an education, all in one! Only downside is if my kids wander into the bathroom (as they are wont to do - privacy, whaaaa?) then I have to hide strategically. Thank goodness this is a Mercator projection map so South America is overly large!

4. Oh yeah - and my war wounds! First day of HIIT bootcamp and our trainer had us doing these squat-jump-swing things on the TRX. (Okay technically there's not supposed to be any swinging with the squat-jumping - I just can't help myself, it's too fun!) The TRX schooled me good and then slapped me around a bit for getting smart with it. Yes, there's a matching set of scrapes and bruises on the other side!

What do you think - is leaving marks the mark of a good workout? Do you have any battle scars from the gym you're particularly proud of? You've seen lots of my shower curtain - what does yours look like?

PS> If you are looking for more to read today, check out Leslie's article in Ladies Home Journal - she interviewed me on slide #8!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Thought for this Tuesday...

The Slow Metabolism: Fact or Myth [Research Porn!]

"Jumpstart YOUR metabolism with a wheaties breakfast!" Eating cereal boosts your metabolism! It must be true - it's right there on the box! PS> Where is their mother?!

I'm doing everything right and it's not working! If you have ever thought the aforementioned - usually cried in paroxysms of grief after an unfortunate run-in with the Scale of Self Destruction - then you have inevitably wondered Maybe I have a slow metabolism. (Right after you have wondered if your Body Bugg got hit by lightning without your knowledge and/or if your personal trainer secretly hates people.)

The Set-Point Theory
One of the most hotly debated theories in the study of human metabolism is whether or not people have a baseline or set point, as measured by weight, that is programmed for each individual body and to which the body strives to maintain. Proponents say this is evidence as to why people have such a miserable time sustaining weight loss over time but opponents say if the baseline theory were true then nobody would ever maintain long-term weight loss and some do. On one hand, lending credence to the set point theory, people tend to weigh similarly to those they are genetically related to (even if they weren't raised by them, as seen in identical-twins-traumatized-by-separation-at-birth studies). On the other hand, NY Times science writer Gina Kolata's whole book Rethinking Thin is based on science saying the opposite. Plus they have Jared the Subway Guy and, well, you can't argue with sandwiches.

The science in this area is still emerging but several studies shed additional light on this. Here's the Spark Notes version:

1. Calorie deficits work. You cut enough calories and you will lose weight. However, the devil, as he is wont to be, is in the details. As anyone who has ever tried to create a calorie deficit can tell you, it isn't as easy as calories in, calories out. New research shows that the percentage of deficit taken, the starting point of both body weight and body fat, and the macronutrient ratios in the diet all influence the rate and the way in which weight comes off when you cut calories.

2. The key to maintaining a weight loss is "balancing your energy." Researchers have shown that people who have lost a lot of weight often overestimate the number of calories they need to maintain their new lower weight and therefore overeat, regaining their weight. When asked, the people reported that they were eating only enough to maintain but when examined by researchers they were eating more than reported. (Not that I blame them, that's just human nature!)

3. People who have lost weight have similar resting metabolic rates as their weight-maintaining peers. Your RMR is how many calories your body burns while just surviving and seems to adjust in relation to your weight. This refutes the oft-repeated statement - and the set point theory - that overweight people have slower metabolisms, even after weight loss.

4. No two metabolisms are the same. It's this last point that is the real kicker. While each person's metabolism may react to different environments (starvation, overfeeding) in a proscribed manner, factors like hormones, body fat percentage, diet composition and, yes, gender, can greatly influence it. If you've ever had a roommate who can eat 6 packages of peanut butter cups a day and still stay a size zero (like I did - egads, you should have tried living with her!) while you eat salmon and broccoli every night and can barely maintain a "normal" BMI, then you will know what I'm talking about.

Our metabolisms may not have set points but they sure have enough outside factors working on them to befuddle even the most determined dieter. I remember the first time this truism bit me in the butt. When I first embarked on my health-nut journey (that started out all about the health and ended up all about the nutty) my extra weight came off fairly easily. Yes I had to watch what I ate and exercise but it worked. I lost weight steadily. And then I hit a plateau. All my diet evangelism flew right out the window when confronted with the "But I'm doing everything right by golly!!" paradox.

Other than struggling over the next couple of years to lose a measly few pounds, I didn't get much insight into this until The Great Over-Training Debacle of 2008. During this time, I had my metabolism thoroughly tested - both in the doctor's office (they ran tests on my thyroid and my hormones and even my baby maker - which thankfully was unoccupied at that time) and in the gym via hydrostatic weighing and the Darth Vader-on-a-treadmill metabolic testing. Their conclusion? I need 1242 calories a day to go about my daily life. I still remember the professor's face when he gave me the news, his look daring me to complain. Which I did. Vociferously! "That's IT?!" I shrieked (politely - I'm a very considerate shrieker.) "That's all I get to eat? That's not even a whole meal at T.G.I.Fridays! I'll never get another Blizzard again! I HAVE THE SLOWEST METABOLISM EVER!!!"

To which he replied, every bit the scientist he was, "It's not slow. It's efficient. Your body works perfectly well and is extremely healthy with only half the energy requirements of the average man." While he was waxing eloquent about my body being a Prius in a world of Hummers, I was trying to come to grips with the fact that at Superbowl Parties there would be nothing super in a bowl for me. I could have one chip with a dollop of hummus while everyone else got Chicago-style pizza.

And then I said it. The phrase every parent hates most: "It's not fair."

"Of course it's not," he replied simply. "It never is."

This idea of "deserving" more food has been a real struggle for me as I've progressed with Geneen Roth's Intuitive Eating program. In the past I've focused endlessly on how to "stoke my metabolic fires" "become a fat-burning machine" and "rev up my engine" so that I could eat whatever I wanted with impunity. So every time I feel my body get full after just a few bites, my mind stomps its foot and cries, "It's not fair! This food is yummy and I earned it! Everyone else gets to keep eating it! I want to keep eating it too! What if they eat it all and there's none left for me?!" For whatever reason, talking back to that voice is very difficult for me. Sure I'll survive the Apocalypse (party with the 'roaches!) but that's small comfort when everyone else is snarfing Concession Obsession with abandon.

But the other night I had a breakthrough. There isn't any point in trying to either speed up or slow down my metabolism. Like Andrew said so many years ago, "Why would I want to fix my metabolism? It's not broken." My metabolism may be slow(er) than most but it works great keeping my body running. And you know what? I DO get to eat whatever I want with impunity. I just have to get my wants in line with my needs. When I eat what my body wants (not what my mind wants - that's different), I don't feel restricted or left out or unhappy. I just feel good. Even if that means I only eat four bites of a homemade brownie.

My husband's fallen in love with this reality show "Out of the Wild: the Alaska Experiment" where they dropped a bunch of city slickers with no survival skills into the middle of Alaska, gave them a map and told them to make their own way out. On one episode, the biggest and toughest of the men faints from lack of food (seriously, the people who signed up for this show make Survivor contestants look sane) and the voiceover explains flatly that "muscle is expensive" and that women are "better at conserving body mass on less food." Like the professor said, we're efficient. Long live the women!

Do you think your metabolism is slow or fast or just normal? Does it matter to you? Do you feel like your body has a set point it wants to stay at? How do you deal with the "It's not fair, everyone else gets to double-fist artichoke dip while I'm stuck with crudités?" voices?? (PS> Did you see I got the é to work?? I did it! Wheeee!!!!)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Fitness Trend I Wish Would Make a Comeback [The Sweaty Bangs Problem]

Yes, I've used this picture twice on this site before but that is just how deeply I love this dude. I have titled it "Awesome Sauce." I think he may be the patron saint of the GFE!

Bikram kickboxing - you many not have heard of doing kickboxing in a super heated room before but let me tell you it's all the rage at my Y. Oh it's not intentional, it's just what happens when you cram 70+ sweaty bodies into a tiny studio with poor ventilation. We sweat so much all over the floor that Turbo Jennie had to bring in carpet dryers to keep us all from hitch-kicking right onto our well-toned tushies. (Confession: while I haven't kicked myself onto the floor - YET - lest you think me more of an athlete than I am, I did accidentally slide into the horizontal splits trying to do a plie squat. I'm already getting excited for ice-rink kickboxing come winter, when all our sweat freezes to the floor!) So today while I did slip-n-slide roundhouses, I was contemplating fitness trends that I really really wish would come back in style. Why? Because thanks to my propensity to sweat like a dude and my cute bangs, so much salt water runs into my eyes that I'm considering shaving off my eyebrows to fully embrace my pale-wet-and-clammy aesthetic:

You love me, Powder.

You know what I need? A sweatband. Oh yes, one of these bad boys:

They still make them. Under Armor even makes pink ones and I had one in my cart before bowing to the whims of fashion and taking it out. Hey, I may not be the most fashionable girl around but I do like to look au courant and for some bizarre reason bangs-in-your-eyes is the It style right now.

They look adorable but trust me when I say they are about as comfortable as wearing sunglasses rolled in dog hair. They get even worse when I sweat.

I've tried other solutions. Bobby pins work great for pulling my bangs out of my face but they don't do squat for the sweat rivulets. Headbands are super cute right now but I must have the world's weirdest shaped head because they pop right off with all the zeal of Tim Gunn making fun of "I must be carried down the stair by a phalanx of men" Anna Wintour. (You must watch this video, I have never seen Tim Gunn so happy! Or Jon Stewart for that matter.) And I can't pull off do-rags due to the fact that I'm neither black nor an extra on Little House on the Prairie.

So you see how I have arrived at the sweatband? The terry cloth is wonderfully absorbent, the circular shape enfolds my sweaty forehead in a gentle hug, AND it's machine washable! The only problem is I think I'd look more Muppet-unibrow than trendy Hipster:













For the love of little green apples, I'm a 32-year-old soccer mom! (Okay, "soccer mom" in name only - my boys actually do Show Choir, and do it awesomely, I might add.) Help me out! Do you have the sweaty bangs problem too? What do you do? Should I just buck convention and wear the sweatband with pride? What bygone fitness trend do you wish would come back?

PS> You know what else is awesome and I wish I got to wear more of? Tennis dresses. All the coverage of a skirt but so many more cute options! Although maybe not quite like this:

Um, Venus? Do you know you have fireworks exploding out of your lady business? Also, this looks like the world's least-flattering tank top but if you see yourself in the other pictures you will realize this is actually a dress. (You should, you designed it!) Typically we associate crotchtacular dresses with inebriated starlets. Don't be that girl Venus. Think of the children.

But I do give you mad props for wearing underwear! Although I do feel compelled to tell you that when they say to wear flesh-toned undies they mean underneath something else. Carry on being awesome now.

Spotlight On...

... River Island.
A new regular feature on the blog will be a focus on one high-street store. I'll show what I believe are a few of their best 'key pieces' for the coming Winter months, with links to the stores website where you can start working on that Winter Wardrobe!
First up is River Island, let me know what you think.














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